For me, the proverb “behind every smile lies two hundred tears” holds very true, and it has been difficult to smile in front of the camera with my Dad.
Being the first child in my family, I get the blunt of scolding and it seems as if I am a test bed for my parent’s parenting skills. Since primary school, my Dad has been very strict about how I behave, regulating how much time I spent studying and having fun.
When I was 13 years old, I was very involved in volunteering my time for my in co-curricular activity. I loved being involved and volunteering for this youth organization. At that age, their activities seemed so much more fulfilling than studying alone, and one of my main aims was to gain a leadership position so I may contribute more to the organization.
Needless to say, my Dad disapproved of the way I spent my time.
Again and again, he scolded and nagged me about these commitments. The situation was still bearable before he mentioned to my teachers to reduce my commitments and never to give me any leadership position in school.
While I understood that my Dad was concerned that my academia, I have failed to rationalize why did he go to such an extent to get me out of the youth organization when all I did was to put in my best.
Years after the incident, I am still haunted by the event and it is difficult not to think of the issues. When I am at home, I like to keep everything to myself and I refuse to let any of my achievements nor the activities I am involved in be known to my family for fear of a repeat of a similar incident.
How can I forgive my Dad and move on?
Hey Calvin,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not the eldest child in the family, I understand the pressure of being the first child, which also means that you are the eldest son. There is no doubt that the higher the expectations your parents have of you, the more they would want and expect you to do well.
Firstly, you have to put this incident behind you and move on. If we allow past incidents to haunt us, it will be difficult to progress and move on to greater things in life. Your dad wants you to do well, and you can show him that your involvement in external activities will not affect your studies. That is one way you can slowly rebuild that trust between you and your dad.
Hi Jun Xiong,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
One of the ways I try to let my Dad understand the issues that I face in school was to get him more involved in the activities that I do in school. He's a photographer, and I usually get him to come to my activities in NUS as a photojournalist.
But sometimes it is really hard to communicate my feelings properly.